Uncertainty in a Green Bag

A week ago the husband underwent a double hernia surgery. I went with him for his last pre surgery check up and came out more concerned about his recovery at home than the surgery itself. The thought of having him come with surgery done on both sides of his abdomen and him not being able to lift any weight for at least six weeks was a little overwhelming - I just kept thinking that the same boys who had given him the hernias were the ones he was coming home to.

So, on Wednesday morning, we drove at 6AM to the hospital an hour away. We checked in, and by 8:30 they called his name, and he went inside. We had prayed, and I was very chill about the whole procedure, he was not going to get general anesthesia, and as I understood it, there was very little risk. About 15 minutes later, I heard a nurse shout the husband's name and call for a relative. She handed me a green plastic bag, with the husband's belongings.

After getting the bag, I noticed for the first time all the other green bags on the floor, next to all the other relatives who were in the waiting area. I pulled out my computer and got to work, trying to pass the time in a productive way. I smiled at the ladies sitting around me, and was a little surprised to see one of them did not return it. She had a fixed look of concern in her face, and even though we could see each other, I was too far away to start a conversation with her, so I just got busy again. After a while of sitting there, I got bits and pieces of her story as I overheard her conversation with other people - her daughter was in surgery. She had already lost a daughter a year ago and was now raising her 2-year-old grandson. I understood the deep concern in her face; I felt a little self-conscious about my cheerful smile earlier.

Hours went by, and I heard nothing. People's names kept being called, except for the one I was there for. After spending a few hours working and making calls, both my computer and phone had run out of battery and I had no place to plug them in. So, I had nothing to do but sit there and take in the fact that my husband had been inside a surgery room for four hours and I had not heard any news.

And then I had the most awful feeling that he was gonna have severe blood loss and not make it. I started praying and asking for protection against hemorrhage. I wasn't sure why I was thinking this weird anxious thoughts, but I kept praying anyways, and thought a lot about uncertainty. I also tried to get a little distracted and watched the TV in the waiting room, but it was full of international news and interviews, and it made me even more aware of how uncertain life is. We get used to our normal. We assess our risks. But in reality, we cannot really have control over the things happening around us. But we can TRUST... We can let the words of the prophet sink in our hearts

"Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the rock eternal." (Isaiah 26:4)

Finally, around 2PM, I heard my husband's name, and I was ushered into the recovery room, and there he was, smiling and talking, and we only got a couple of minutes, but I got to see his face. He had talked to the doctor and the doctor said everything had gone well. The nurse told me there were no rooms available in the hospital at the moment, so I could go have lunch and come back. When I came back, I got to see the doctor, who reassured me all had gone well, had taken a little longer than expected, but he had been able to do his work and the husband was doing great.

I got to see him again a little before 5PM, then a friend took over, I drove home, took care of kids, got bath time rolling, left the baby asleep, and drove back. They finally brought him to his room at 10PM. That's when I got more details about the surgery - in general, as the doctor had said, things had gone well. It just had taken longer. He had been in there for about 3 hours. It had taken longer because he was bleeding a lot. That's right. The doctor had to go extra slow because the husband was bleeding more than normal. I sat there not believing what I was hearing. This was exactly what I had been praying for during the time he was in surgery!

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans." (Romans 8:26)

 And so I was once again reminded and assured that this is a God I can trust. At times, it seems like the world is unwinding and things keep changing. Old and new challenges may overwhelm us. Old fears and new ones spring up. But oh, this Love we have, we can trust Him. 

"I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world.” (John 16:33)